The Best Self-Help Quiz ever In The World Telling You If You’re A Self-Help Blowhard!
Originally from my blog:
Hey you! Are you ready for the best self-help quiz ever in the fucking world?! I bet you are because the words “self-help” and “quiz” must have turned you on and caused your nipples to lactate!
First things first…
Are you a pretentious, pompous douchebag who keeps smiling for no reason?
Do you display inhuman qualities like loving life to the fullest even though it clearly sucks?
Do you read way too many self-help books?!
If you answered yes to any of the above, then you may be a Self-Help Blowhard!
Congratulations! You’re self-aware (Whoa! One of your favorite buzzwords!) enough to know that there is perhaps some hope left for you to stop being so lame and annoying.
But what if you’re not self-aware though?!
Take this quiz then. It’ll help reveal who you really are and why you don’t have many friends.
Let’s see how many points you score!
Your favorite words include, ‘hustling’, ‘ego’, ‘positivity’ and ‘I love to meditate.’-1 point.
You’ve quit your job and insist that that was the best thing that ever happened to you in your life. It even beats the time your firstborn came into this world or when that hot girl was giving you a blowjob.- 2 points.
And when you tell others you quit your job, you don’t say you quit your job. Instead, you say shit like, “I fired my boss today.” — 4 points.
You refer to people who are still employed caught “in the matrix”, in which they’re mere sheep working the nine-to-five and to you, they’re losers, therefore, your ancestors were losers. — 1 point.
You sleep 4 hours a day only because you love hustling and for some reason probably pertaining to mental problems, you’re still full of energy. And of course, you tell everyone about it. — 7 very unhealthy points.
Gary Vaynerchuk is your idol. — 1 point.
Your entire library at home is filled with self-help books and whenever you take a selfie, you make sure that they’re in the backdrop with their titles clearly shown. — 8 showy points.
You turn every small-talk into an opportunity for you to preach the shit you’ve read about, but not something you’ve necessarily applied before in your own life. — 9 pretentious points.
And you make sure to make it seem like it’s always their fault, like maybe your friend came to you with a problem, “Man I was so late today because of the traffic caused by the accident!” and your reply is, “Stop letting your ego take control bro.” — 1,000 annoying points.
Your Facebook cover photo is some motivational quote over some scenery. — 1 cliched point.
Your passions in life are only ever traveling the world, helping others and working on your business. It’s almost as if you don’t have a particular favorite food or movie. — 3 points.
Your business is only about teaching others how to make money online or how to create a business online. — 3 scammy points.
If not, your business is some intangible coaching bullshit you put a value to on your own, like $1000/hr for a Skype call to talk about generic, motivational shit. — 1000 millennial points.
Apparently to you, there’re no excuses in the world, that means to say legitimate reasons don’t exist to you or for others. So if someone is sick and dying in bed, you scream at them to wake up. — 10,000 bewildering points!
You’ve deluded yourself into thinking that you’ve dumped all your toxic friends because you feel that they don’t help you grow when in reality, nobody likes you and you’re too socially awkward to talk to people — 2 points you can’t even see.
Every damn picture in your Instagram is about being grateful or loving life. — 3 influencer-wannabe points.
You humblebrag the shit out of your achievements and they’re only always about how much money you made recently. — Six-figures points.
Shit! You even poured money into to advertise your humblebragging on Instagram! — 100 sponsored-posts points
Your idea of a solution for people suffering from depression is, “Snap out of it.” — 10 hurtful and uncool points.
You don’t like to go hang out with your friends anymore because you prefer to go for inner circle mastermind getaways conferences seminars retreats orwhateverthefuckyoucallit. — 10 delusional points
Any kind of music to you is deafening noise because they are not audiobooks, Podcasts or your favorite rain-noise app. — 3 points nobody even wants to hear about.
You love Mondays and you’re sure to posts it on social media every Monday morning.- 100 fuck off points.
So how did you score?!
Guess what?! Nobody gives a fuck!
Because if you even managed to score one point, you’re already a self-help blowhard!
Or worse, you actually took this quiz seriously.
Congratulations! You’re now done with the best self-help quiz ever!
Now please, go get a life.
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