When I broke up with one of my ex-girlfriends, I cried alone in my room one night. The breakup was made effective when she disappeared on me.
I was honestly doing fine, but the trigger was when I sat down to write her family a final farewell message of sorts on Facebook, telling them what happened and that I’d miss them.
When we were in a relationship, it was a long-distance one. I would fly over to visit her alone.
On the last day of every trip, she’d send me off at the airport. Since I am a sentimental fuck, saying bye was always hard, no matter how many times I went over. Then I’d enter the gate alone.
When I struggled badly with my anger issues, I’d rage uncontrollably in my room alone.
I’d destroy things as I battled a bunch of negative thoughts. Sometimes, I’d be triggered outside. If you walked by me then you’d only see a floating ball of anger waiting to implode and ultimately hurt myself.
When I finally decided to take up professional therapy to deal with my anger, I went to the doctor to get referral letter alone.
I went to the psychiatrist alone. Then I spoke to my psychologist alone and all its subsequent twenty-five or so sessions.
When I started my blog and online business, I did it all alone.
I can’t even begin to the count the number of hours and scary decisions I had to make here in my room, right in front of the computer.
It has been scary, tiring and yep, lonely. But at the same time, it was these moments of lonesomeness that mark my achievements and made me the man I am today.
You’ve no idea how many pride I have in them.
But at the same time, you can’t even begin to imagine the amount of pain, anger, sadness and suffering I had to go through.
I guess it’s this paradox of pride and pain that comes hand in hand, like two side of a coin you’re constantly flipping.
Like two opposing forces, beamed at each other to create the big bang in the middle; to create you.
Like friends standing on your shoulder, both whispering two different ideas to you, trying to confuse you.
Like life and death, where both only gain power knowing their counterpart exists.