I Can’t Believe In You For You

Over the weekend I was just writhing around with pain, regret and a major hangover.

Why? Cause I spent a fucking bomb.

My best friend was back for a bit, so we decided to head out to party.

Yeah so long story short. I spent too much on drinks.

It doesn’t help that business is down now so my income is low.

With the hangover and all, I just didn’t feel good about my life.

Then it hit me like… “Why does a couple of fucking hundred dollars matter so much? Why must it affect my self-esteem? Why are my emotions based on the amount of money I make?”

What really got me all messed up inside was that I feel I should have gotten my shit together by now.

I mean, my dad died when I was 20. That very day itself made me realize how minor and unimportant a lot of seemingly-important things are.

And yet, fast forward 10 years later, I still worry about this shit.

The only solution? I just have to work harder.

Money certainly plays a bit part in life. It definitely fucks with you in ways you don’t want it to.

Then it hit me…

Nobody can believe in me, for me.

I gotta start with me.

Business may be down, but for change to happen, it has to start with me.

I can either lament, whine, rant and get scared all I like, or I can to make a tiny, tiny change.

And that is to believe in myself.

It sounds like a fucking cliche, I know. But well… if you think about it, we spend so much time coming up with crazy, negative scenarios in our head anyway.

Why not just flip it around?

It’s not going to be easy for sure.

But if you don’t start now, who’s going to do it for you?

No one will.

That’s a fact.

I can’t believe in you for you.

Your mom can’t even do it too. Your friends can’t. Your teacher can’t. Your role model can’t.

They can only give you so much encouragement.

So maybe… you start now?

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My name is Alden Tan and I’m sick of bullshit in the personal development space thanks to the pretentious people out there. I love writing and I’m also a Bboy.

www.Alden-Tan.com

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