Do you feel like a loser? Do you feel bad all the time? This is for you then.
First, I just wanted to say that I get it.
I totally get it.
It sucks. It totally sucks.
I don’t know about you, but for a large part of my life, I always felt like a loser when I am caught in this seemingly endless spiral of emotional highs and lows, mostly lows.
There, I deal with shame, guilt, a sense of loss, regret and worry as I overthink the hell out of everything.
The most frustrating part?
I got exactly what it is I want in life.
It’s an irony I live with.
Here, just this morning I wrote about an argument I had with a security guard at my estate. I lost my cool and shouted at him, a lot.
Long story short, I got the apology I wanted, but then I proceeded to feel bad and shameful about my behavior when I got home.
This is but just one example.
Many have been the times I stood up for myself, retorted sharply, repaid an insult intelligently, shamed someone to the point he said sorry, sent essay-long texts, firm in my stance and of course, getting into shouting matches.
… I return home to feel bad about it.
I think, “Ahh geez. That wasn’t necessary.”
“Man, was I too harsh?”
“Maybe that person was having a bad day too…”
And so on.
This deadly spiral is frustrating. You try so hard to live your life to be happy and at the same time, be nice and helpful to others, you end up losing out anyway.
It makes me wonder if us good guys actually have to lose all the time.
I don’t think so.
Not at all.
I’ve to come to realize that feeling bad shows that you’ve humility and ultimately, a strong sense of self-preservation.
It’s the feelings of shame, guilt and regret that makes you reflect.
They then help you become a more empathetic person.
That’s how you care for those around you.
Trust me when I say this: People who don’t seem to feel bad at all not only actually do feel bad about themselves, but they aren’t exactly winning at life either.
I used to think that I can’t be like others. I could not be a ‘winner.’ I was destined to be the nice guy who finished last.
But there are major side effects when it comes to not feeling bad, mainly lacking self-preservation.
The ‘winners’ I know, despite being rich and successful in life:
Are the same guys who create drama on their social media feeds.
The same ones who cheat on their spouses. (This is really ironic because I’ve been told to stop being a sissy once because I was overthinking too much about a single girl I liked a lot then.)
The kind of entrepreneurs who turn out to be scammers.
Or acted like my toxic ex-girlfriend, who threatened to end the relationship many times over minor shit and when it really happened, she cried and begged to be with me again.
And so on.
Truly, they don’t give a fuck about anything else because money and status are their strongest validation.
And I personally find it sad because the endgame for them is realizing that none of that can buy them happiness.
You should give a fuck by feeling bad. You just ought to tone it down a little.
Like I mentioned, feeling bad means you get to reflect. You gain empathy and love for those around you. You acquire a sense of self-preservation.
In short, you care out of the goodness of your heart.
It’s all part of growing up.
So don’t think that you’re a loser just because you feel bad.
It’s perfectly fine.
But hey, you can tone it down a little okay? You get to.
Let the past be the past.
Stop thinking too much about “What if.”
You’re also not responsible for how others feel.
And finally, remember that you’re a good person.
Now move on already you.