Controversial advice: Be selfish and give a shit about yourself

One of the things that really helped me with my anger issues is starting to give a shit about myself and yes, that entails being really selfish as I care for myself only.

I am angry from being a good person all my life as I always did the right thing.

I walked away from fights.

I never talked back.

I avoided confrontations.

I said sorry even though I knew that I was in the right.

I gave in to people just to avoid making them upset.

For 31 years I did all of that and it has turned me into an angry person as I kept wondering why I had to give in to these toxic people who were obviously in the wrong.

Oh at this point, most people would just say, “Alden, that’s just how it is.”

“Life is unfair, deal with it.”

“You’re not perfect either Alden.”

“It’s such a small matter! Why are you so sensitive?”

“I think you’re just petty Alden.”

And all sorts of other shit.

None of that helped. None of the logical or sensible advice ever helped. None of the obvious truths really meant anything.

These are emotions we are dealing with. Logic, rationale and common sense honestly don’t have a place here.

You feel what you feel and that is that.

With that, I felt a lot better when I started giving a shit about myself more.

When I get way too many annoying messages, I don’t reply on time, even when I know it’s urgent to the recipient.

When my mom is nagging way too much, I go to my room and lock my door.

When someone asks me for a favor, I outright say no.

When someone invites me to some thing, I don’t even give a reason and simply say that I am not going.

When I ended the relationships with some toxic girlfriends I had, I gave them absolutely zero chance to be my friend again.

When someone I dislike shows up, I leave.

It’s all passive aggressive little things, but they make me feel a little better.

So again, be selfish. Give a shit about yourself such that you do things only for yourself as long as it doesn’t drastically hurt others or break the law.

If you’re not going to care for yourself, no one else will.

Trust me, do this for the deepest, darkest moments you’ve had in your life; for the times you felt so alone; for the times no one cared; for the times no one bothered to listen; for the times you picked yourself up and started a journey of improvement, all by yourself.

Then when you finally become happier, even if it’s just a little bit, I am certain you’d be more prepared and happy to help others.

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Alden Tan

Alden Tan

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