During my recent trip to Chiang Mai, I felt a little lost and lonely at times.
Sure, there was cheap beer, nice places to chill and do my work, a relaxed culture and atmosphere, but I felt like there was always a void inside me.
In fact, this void has been around for a while now.
Admittedly, I tried to fill it with alcohol, partying and girls.
When I was younger, it was great fun. I called it fun.
But today, I’ve to say that it’s a void which I’ve been trying to fill with external sources when I should truly be looking inwards to fill that cup.
And I ought to stop filling it with beer, loud music and women.
For the hangover doesn’t feel good.
For the women come and go.
For the music are just noise.
For trying to get rid of all of the above before I start writing is cumbersome.
I didn’t like that, the fleeting emotions of happiness and joy that act ultimately as shrapnel that stay, then pierce at the most unexpected of times.
I’ve decided since that I’m changing my writing habits and my lifestyle as a person who is trying to make a living doing what he loves.
I’ve told this to my buddy @kenistyles before, that I am heart a writer who wants to create stories, someone who wants to write fiction.
I’ve neglected that for a long while.
I am making it a point to sit down everyday to write fiction and also put some time apart to gather inspiration my own way. Right now, that’d be reading graphic novels, particularly the ones by Neil Gaiman because I think they portray emotions and philosophy the best.
I guess fulfilment is the start.
Quantifiable results the world can see, can wait.
Wish me luck.