I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago. He told me that he and wife were expecting their third child.
And then he added, “This was basically an accident.”
The casual tone in his voice. The flippant nature of the conversation.
Not something you’d expect out of a parent, or a parent-to-be. I am neither myself, but if I find out that I am going to be a dad, it’s definitely huge news to me and I’ll freak the fuck out.
Notice the differences in the way this topic and several others are talked about:
If the couple is already married, any baby along the way is cool. If the couple isn’t married, then it’s frowned upon, like, they must be dumb, reckless assholes who didn’t use protection.
If you have a job and money is coming in monthly, any project, venture or idea you have on the side is cool. If you’re jobless, anything you want to venture in is insane and you must be crazy.
If you’re an eccentric millionaire, you can be called an artist with edgy ideas. If you’re a starving artist, people will just call you weird and broke.
If you’re a pastor preaching in church, you get to make mistakes. If you are not a pastor, you’re a christian who suddenly doesn’t love god enough.
And so on.
Needless to say, there’re double standards.
You may have created mistakes though you have good intentions. You become stigmatized then for you lack a fancy label or title.
But the truth is that there exists ugly truths. Here are some:
Married couples who don’t love each other and hence do not love their own children.
Unhappy employees who end up depressed.
Millionaires who are just assholes.
Artists whose amazing work are unheard of.
Pastors who are just scammers.
People with mental illness who don’t dare to reach out for help for fear of stigma alone, and they look healthy to you, everyday.
And so on.
Perhaps then, to be happy, we need to know the truth in every matter.
We need to stop judging others to be something healthy on the outside when deep down, they may not be.
We need to stop practicing double standards because it propels people into thinking they need to do the same just to have a place in society by looking good in ways that are ultimately meaningless to them.
We need to see someone for who they really are.
At least perhaps, we should try.