3 Things People Say To Gaslight You (Very Controversial Short Read)

Alden Tan
3 min readSep 16, 2022

This list may be controversial, but still an important one.

Because the points are not obvious. It’s not straight up bullying, insults or lies.

They’re in my opinion, everyday remarks which are used all the time. Sadly, they do affect people deeply as we dish them out.

Let’s go.

1) “Stop shouting”

I’ve lost my temper, my cool and all my shit before simply because the other party was being extremely unreasonable and difficult.

And so, I hit my limits. I raised my voice. I yelled.

Right there and then, the argument stops. My point of view and side of the story were effectively thrown out.

I lost.

And of course, I am in the wrong immediately. Everything becomes my fault even though that’s not true. The issue is never visited again. A skewed version of the story would be told to others, putting me as the villain.

Why? Because my volume went up.

I don’t condone losing your temper and raising your voice just to get your point across. It’s immature, unclassy and downright disrespectful. It’s also fucking scary. It’s something I am working on myself.

But yet, I do feel people say this in order to escape not having to reflect on themselves and their unreasonable behavior.

So I’ll say it straight, some of you deserve to be shouted at because your attitude stinks. I’ll leave it as that.

2) “I was just joking”

Have you ever encountered friends who simply went too far with a joke that’s not even funny at all?

You aren’t cool with it. And so you say something. You express how you feel. You let it be known that you took offence.

And you’re sprly dismissed with a failsafe: “Hey man, chill, I was just joking.”

Unsurprisingly, the bad jokes continue.

I personally think that this is a common form of gaslighting. People do try to get away with it by declaring that it was just a joke.